Snow job

Looks like Faux News anchor Tony Snow is set to be the Dear Leader's next press secretary.

This seems like a match made in heaven, after all Snow has been schilling for the White House since day one. The only change is that Snow will be kissing ass in a different office.

See, some of my best friends are black

Happy birthday Bitsy

Queen Elizabeth II turns 80 today. Which goes to show that having an obscene amount of money, a team of private doctors, and a falanx of servants bowing to your every whim, is no obstacle at all to achieving old age. However with Chucky lurking in the shadows I would watch my back if I were you your majesty. That man will stop at nothing before he achieves the post of "Most Useless Person in the World"

HELLLOOOOOO!

One anachronism greets another

I have nothing to say today

So here is a picture of Strong Bad

Killing the messenger

The war in Iraq is a disaster. All my domestic policy initiatives have been shat on by my own party. The rest of the world thinks I'm a joke, and more than two thirds of Americans agree with them. Hmmm...what to do, what to do? I know, can that schmuck who talks to the press.

Buh bye

Who's next? The copier guy?

Sit down and shut up

So the Braves are done huh? 14 straight division titles coming to a screeching halt under the thunder of the bats at Flushing Meadows. The national media declaring the Braves to be belly up? Ya'know, I think I've seen this movie before. This is the same prediction that many have been making every time the Mets up their payroll to take a run at the division, and to the consternation of pundits everywhwere they fall short EVERY SINGLE TIME!

The prophet of doom chrous seemed to be even louder this year as the Mets payroll blew up like a Baghdad McDonalds to dollar levels that surpass the GDPs of most third-world countries. Yet in the first major test of the season, the recently concluded three game set at Shea, the Bravos once again proved they were the better team. Taking the series from that bunch of Yankee wanna-bees 2-1. Even though this is April, and the season is in its infancy, there was a lot on the line as the Mets have racked up the best record in baseball, and the Bravos have shown cracks galore in a lackluster start to the season.

However those cracks seem to be mending. Terry Pendleton (Bobby Cox's heir apparent) has done wonders as hitting coach, making the Braves a legitmate offensive threat for the first time in...well...ever. Jeff Francouer is finally off the snide, Edgar Rentria is making us forget all about Rafael Furcal, and Andruw Jones is putting up MVP numbers. For his sake let's hope that the rumors of the Gold Club re-opening are untrue.

CHIPPER WHO?

The Pitching is finally coming around as well. Chris Reitsma has been effective in the closers slot, and the starters, who have been stinking up the 'ol ballyard for the first two weeks of the season, seem to finally have their shit together as seen in the back to back complete games pitched byKyle Davies and Tim Hudson.

Hudson and the other starters are finally back on track

Yes it's April. Yes pennants are won and lost in August and September. Yes this does nothing to atone for the perennial post-season collapse. But anything less than a steller performance this wek would have been greeted with flowers and parades from every columnist and talking head in the baseball world-the Braves are dead, rejoyce all!

Hmm, looks like the Daily News is going to have to put the "Chopped!" banner headline back into storage yet AGAIN!

Once a Dukie, always a Dukie

Memo to the accused: While you want to maintain the presumption of innocence, and follow your mother's advice to always dress nicely when you leave the house. Please remember while the Ralph Lauren look may be de reguer when attending a sailing party in Southhampton, you do not want to go to the big house looking like you just walked out of a J. Crew catalog.

FRESH MEAT!!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

It was announced recently that Japan was going to take over the leadership of the international whaling council or IWC. Japan pulled this off by essentially buying votes on the 66-member council that monitors whaling. Increased foreign aid packages to countries so desperate for their Yen that they would do anything they said in return. Japan even encouraged nations with no whaling traditions to join the council. Some, such as Mongolia and Mali don't even have a coastline. Because I am sure, that with so few problems of their own all they can think about in Ulaan Baator, and Bamako is how unjust the ban on commercial whaling is.

Normally I am a big supporter of all things Japanese... sushi, anime, moist things hentai, oh yeah I'm down with that. But the Japanese obsession with killing whales is some serious bullshit. Commercial whaling has been banned since 1986, but Japan has been allowed to continue limited whaling for "scientific purposes". However, despite the boon to scientific research that comes from the limited whaling Japan is allowed to do, most of the flesh of said whales winds up on plates in Sushi restaurants.

One could argue here that the Japanese have a cultural connection with whale meat and that means that they should be allowed to continue. Having lived in Japan I can report that is a huge crock. Most people do not eat whale meat, and the government has been forced to take alternative measures to keep the whaling industry happy including putting whale in school lunches, hoping to drum up support. A Japanese burger chain in Hokkaido started selling whale burgers a while back, with government subsidies of course. The weren't even trying to hide the real purpose of the new product saying that their goal was to have the Japanese people re-acquire the taste for whale meat. You know I love bald eagle egg omelets, with spotted owl sausage, and I think that America would love the taste of said dish.

The bottom line is that Japan cannot be trusted to monitor the world's whale population. After all the fisheries minister a few years ago called the minki whale, the most commonly hunted species, "the cockroaches of the sea" This my friends is what will be sitting atop the IWC before very long.

Japanese whaling would be more acceptable if they would only keep to their own waters, however there don't seem to be many whales swimming around in the area...I wonder why? So the Japanese whaling fleets make the trek south to the great southern ocean where in the waters between Antarctica and New Zealand they do most of their "scientific" whaling. This, as you can imagine, gets the Kiwis royally pissed off. And since they are still part of the British Commonwealth, and therefore a monarchy, they really can be royally pissed off.

In taking a page from our own NSA Japan's first order of business will be to change the rules. After all if your behavior does not fit the rules you live under don't change your behavior, change the rules. The first move will be to lift the now 20-year old ban on commercial whaling. And to give all the newly minted IWC countries cover, they will institute a secret ballot.

The limit on Japan's "scientific" whaling is set to go over a thousand this year, most likely the last year such a limit will be in place. There is precious little I or anyone else for that matter can do about it, I just wanted to rant.

Opening week blues

A bullpen! A bullpen! My kingdom for a bullpen!

Also if Joey Devine's lifeless body is found floating down the 'Hooch nobody knows anything...got it?

Opening day!

Fuck the robins, fuck the lillys the true first sign of spring is finally here. Today is the opening day for Major League Baseball. I am such a twitter that my nipples have grown to the size of Barry Bonds' shrunken nads!!

Play ball!!!