Fortune cookies

From time to time we all find ourselves asking the “big” questions. Why am I we here? What is the meaning of it all? What the hell are these fortune cookies doing in my fridge? It’s the latter that is driving me nuts at the moment.

Going back several months (possibly 6, 8, or more) three fortune cookies have been residing in my fridge. Not in some forgotten nether-region behind the maraschino cherries, and the now fossilized potato salad of whose name we dare not speak. Rather these oriental novelties have been sitting on the top left portion of the door, the first part of the fridge that you see when you open it. Like an absentee landlord who long ago stopped caring about collecting rent from his tenants, why do I let them stay? Even more why did I put them there in the first place? Was I afraid that they were going to go bad? Was I planning for a time when the Chinese delivery dude didn’t stick any in the bag? All this time thinking that when the bombs go off I’ll be the one to survive because I have three fortune cookies to provide me sustenance BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Every day, every time I go to the kitchen there they are, still in their clear plastic wrappers. Every time I curse myself for putting the milk jug back with less than a quarter inch at the bottom they mock me. Every time I reach for a beer they greet me with a solidly accented “harrow!” Well no more. Tonight I took them out of the fridge and put them in the …pantry. Either I am a seriously disturbed man, or these cookies really do hold the secret to the universe, possibly both. Stay tuned.