Explain this to me

I think we're starting a rather long list here.

I watch a lot of TV, more specifically I watch a lot of basic cable, which means that I see a lot of bad commercials. None worse at the current moment then the incessant ads for the Kidz Bop CDs. If you are not familiar with the concept let me fill you in.

Kidz Bop is children singing top 40 songs...that's it. You are basically plunking down 20 bucks to listen to a bunch of 10 year-olds sing karaoke. Because to fully comprehend the angst and ennui that is contained in your average Green Day song you need to hear it sung by somebody who has yet to be visited by the pubic hair fairy.

The most distressing part about all this is that the version they keep hawking on my TV is Kidz Bop 8. Meaning that they made enough money on Kidz Bops 1-7 that they got the band back together for an eighth album. (in all fairness I heard that the European tour was bitchin') This of course naturally begs the question...WHO THE FUCK IS BUYING ALL THIS CRAP?!?

I have a bold proposal to make, a proposal that will change the way we see and handle money. We start with mandatory IQ tests for every man woman and child in this country, and if you score below a pre-determined cutoff point then you get a special kind of money, Dumb People Dollars or DPD. We are talking about a whole new currency with new designs and everything. And the first face that we're putting on the DPD is that mongoloid teenager from Florida (they're always from Florida) who thought it would be fun to go to Iraq! I hereby declare Farris Hassan to be the George Washington of the retards.

I digress, DPDs would have the same value as regular dollars execpt that when they are handed over to somebody of normal intelligence they automatically lose half their value (I'm not sure how this could be pulled off, we're still working out the kinks here at Murray Hill Labs) The result of this would be that the sheer amount of crap marketed to dumb people would plummet. No more Kidz Bop, no more Ronco, no more home hair cutting devices, and no more of anything endorsed by Anna Nicole Smith. We would have peace in our time.

The DPD is the future of commerce in this country, so get behind it. Call your congressman, make it a reality, stop the bloody Kidz Bop commercials!!